Find out what we believe in - who we are as gay men
We must explore who we are, our beliefs, convictions, strengths and values.
As we explore, this is a journey in which we map out the mountains, lakes, and rivers that make us who we are deep inside.
We all have these beliefs and convictions. They have been shaped by who we are and our natural talents when we were born and raised. But this vast, undiscovered country of ourselves is often hidden from us.
Think of them in our blind spot just behind our ears. No matter how much we move our heads, we cannot see them, but they are there. And looking in an ordinary mirror does not show who they are either.
But by understanding who we are and exploring ourselves, we can start to find them.
But once we find them, we need to start living them.
Now we only need to be an explorer but also a Gay/Queer Warrior.
The Gay Warrior
The word warrior can provide many impressions, both positive and negative. Warriors are the people who go to war, kill, and may rape and maim. In societies, we have used warriors to idealise conflict and show masculinity’s more toxic side.
But when we speak about this warrior, we mean a person of integrity. A person who will give themselves to a higher cause - their purpose - and will train to become the best they can be.
You can think of this as a spiritual warrior.
As we discover who we are, we need to start acting according to this—to act according to who we are.
In how we deal with other people - in the gay scene, at work, in the coffee shop and the supermarket. In what we do each day.
This is the true gay warrior who acts with integrity in his beliefs, values, and convictions.
A simple rule to help you do this is to examine your actions and reflect on whether they bring you closer to happiness or away from it.
This happened to me recently. For lunch, I usually watch a TV programme as I eat. Recently, I realised this is making me unhappy. I feel like I am moving into a mindless black hole that takes energy away from me.
So now I take a walk around the park instead.
We should use our values and beliefs when making big decisions and dealing with and treating people. In doing so, you can chase your dreams with the heart and confidence of a gay warrior. You can seize the courage to chase your dreams, embracing the thrill of the leap.
It's your moment — live boldly, guided by your heart's true desires.
Strength, courage and confidence
I also use the word warrior as the warrior implies strength and courage.
Anyone who does this exploring and finds their true self finds their courage, strength and confidence. When I work with clients with this, I am always astounded by how much their confidence grows.
With that confidence, you can start to live who you indeed are. You do not need to worry about coming out repeatedly or filter yourself.
A gay warrior also has the proper boundaries; you can say no to people when they cross over your boundaries.
You can also say no to yourself, ensuring you act with integrity toward who you are.
A simple step to start is to reflect on your day. When did you act true to yourself, and when did you not? And when you did not, why was this? What can you learn from this?
It is important to note that it is important not to punish yourself; use your nurturing voice. But you also want to balance it with your warrior, to learn and improve so you can act more in integrity with who you are.
The more you do this, the more you will break free from the box of expectations—from friends, family, and society. You can stop the endless cycle of coming out. Instead, you can live unbound, vibrant, and true to your essence.
Check out the next article, where we use our gay explorer to find and transform our shadows and blockers, or check out the first article in this series.